Life On a See-Saw

You've probably heard the expression "I'm juggling a lot of things right now", or "I dropped the ball". So let's put a literal translation on that and how it relates to having bipolar disorder.

People without bipolar are standing on solid ground, with a lot of colorful balls at their feet. Each ball represents a different aspect of life. There is work, family, recreation, friends, housework, hygiene, exercise, shopping, vacations, etc. They reach down and grab the balls and try to juggle them. It's not easy for anyone, and sometimes people do drop a ball. But for the people who are standing on solid ground, it's easier to reach down and pick the balls back up.

People with bipolar are standing on a see-saw, trying to balance in the middle. At any given moment we can slide either way, into depression or mania. We also have extra balls to juggle. Taking medication, side-effects of medication, doctor visits, and therapy appointments. Even when we are able to balance in the middle, it can be hard to reach down and grab more balls than we already have. Sometimes we manage to grab a couple of them and get them into the air with the rest, but eventually we will lose our balance and slide down to one side of the board.

When we slide down to the depression side, we usually drop almost every ball. It can be hard to hang on to some of the basics, like hygiene or eating or even just getting out of bed. Sometimes we are able to work our way back to the middle without medication adjustments, but there are a lot of times when we have to start over and tackle new medications with new side effects.

When we slide down to the manic side, every ball on the ground is tempting. We try to grab them all at once and start to juggle frantically. We lose interest with some of the new ones easily and grab for different ones. A lot of times we feel so good that we throw the medication and doctor visit balls out the window. We feel pretty good at first, and don't feel like we need those any more. And we don't have time! We have all of these new shiny balls to play with. Eventually, the balls start to drop if we become psychotic or delusional. Things can get scary pretty fast. Finally we end up in the hospital getting put back on medication, and then we try to work towards the middle again.

Many of us spend a great deal of time starting over at the beginning. It can be very frustrating and we often feel like failures. It's easy to get to a point where we get to the middle and just say "why bother trying to pick up those balls? I'll just drop them again.". This is when we need people the most. We need people to help us find reasons to try again. A lot of people get tired of this and leave us. We're just too much work. But please try to stay. Please remember that we aren't choosing to live our lives on the see-saw. We aren't asking for your pity, just for your understanding.