Well, I can't say today has been boring! I didn't sleep well last night, and I had to get up early because I had two appointments scheduled, one was to get the final paperwork done for the CCS program so I can (finally) get started, and the other was the nursing assessment that I had to do for the program. Pam (the consumer advocate with CCS) was supposed to pick me up at 9:40 to take me to the appointments.
Within 20 minutes of getting up, I spilled my coffee, my cat threw up on her blanket and the window-sill, and I dropped a pen and when I stood to pick it up I stepped on it and it broke and cut my foot. So I got everything cleaned up, got a new cup of coffee and sat down to check facebook. Pam called about 15 minutes later and said that Mike (my service provider) had called in sick so the first appointment got cancelled, which means I could have slept a couple more hours. The other problem with this is that I don't really like Mike so until I get a new service provider (in July when he retires) Pam agreed to meet with us when I need to see him, and she is going on vacation starting tomorrow, so it looked like we would have to wait two more weeks to get the paperwork done. The nursing assessment went fine, she was very nice and we did a medical history and she took my blood pressure and pulse and weight.
On the way home, Pam asked if I would be willing to see Mike as long as Steve is there (I haven't met Steve yet, but he helps set up the treatment plans) and I said that if Steve calls me and I can explain what happened with Mike that made me nervous about seeing him, then I would decide if I felt safe to meet with the two of them. So I am hoping Steve will call today so we can figure it out. Pam did say that Steve does have a mental illness himself, so he is more sensitive to the subject, so that is a positive.
I've been wanting to start therapy again but wasn't sure how to find someone and I didn't want my pdoc to recommend anyone to me since I'm planning on asking to see a new pdoc next time I meet with him (btw, Pam is going along to the appointment so I won't be so scared to tell him). I finally just called the receptionist and explained what I was looking for in a therapist and she thinks that Mark S. would be a great match, so I have an initial consult with him on May 14. That was the first opening he has for new patients. I'm looking forward to meeting him, so at least the day is looking better. I plan on being as lazy as possible for the rest of the day, I just need to relax and recover from the stress of the morning!
Showing posts with label CCS. Show all posts
Showing posts with label CCS. Show all posts
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Not myself
I haven't written in a few days...I fell into a major depression on Monday afternoon, and I haven't been able to keep my thoughts organized enough to write...I did find out yesterday that I am officially accepted into CCS, and I'm nervous but looking forward to it. So I'll be back here writing soon I hope, I am not as depressed as I was Monday night, but I'm still somewhat depressed and a bit overwhelmed. Peace out for now...
Monday, February 22, 2010
What's next?
Well, today Pam (the consumer advocate) from CCS called and said that I'm not officially accepted yet; it used to be that if she approved someone they were accepted, but they've changed it now so that she tells her boss that she thinks I'm a good candidate and then they decide if I am in or not. So now I have to wait a couple more weeks to find out if I am accepted...*sigh*. But she was very nice and apologized, and she said that while I'm waiting she would be happy to come over if I need someone to chat with in the meantime, so she is coming here next Monday to visit with me. I can talk to her some about my worries and have her take a look at the goal sheet I did. I hate waiting!!
Today was good...my mom came to town and gave me a ride to run a few errands; had to pick up my meds and go grocery shopping. My anxiety was pretty mild while I was out, so that was good. Thursday is my birthday and we are going out to eat at my favorite restaurant in the evening, I'm looking forward to that. This will be the first birthday in 12 years that I haven't celebrated with C. (my ex) so it will be a little weird I think.
All things considered, today was still better than yesterday!
Today was good...my mom came to town and gave me a ride to run a few errands; had to pick up my meds and go grocery shopping. My anxiety was pretty mild while I was out, so that was good. Thursday is my birthday and we are going out to eat at my favorite restaurant in the evening, I'm looking forward to that. This will be the first birthday in 12 years that I haven't celebrated with C. (my ex) so it will be a little weird I think.
All things considered, today was still better than yesterday!
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Good News
I got approved for the CCS (Comprehensive Community Services) program! My meeting with the coordinator went very well, she said that in the next week or so someone will be coming over to get the paperwork signed, and about a week after that my "treatment team" will be coming to my apartment to help me set up ways to meet my first goals.
To begin with I am going to be a part of the peer support program, where someone will come over to talk with me or to take me out into the community for coffee or a movie or to go to the bookstore or whatever else I'd like to do. I think this will be a great beginning and I will be able to work on overcoming some of my anxiety about leaving my apartment. I'm really looking forward to getting started on my new journey towards a more fulfilling life.
Now that my meds are working fairly well, my moods have been more stable, I've been sleeping better most nights, and my anxiety when at home is fairly low. It's time to take the next step and work on improving my life in any way that I can. I can't just sit around my apartment all the time getting bored without risking falling backwards into depression. Bipolar cannot be "conquered" or "fixed" but it can be managed and I believe that I can have more in my life than I have right now.
I know that I might have setbacks and I hope that I can push through them and continue on. Sometimes we take a few steps back but that doesn't mean we should stop trying to move forward.
To begin with I am going to be a part of the peer support program, where someone will come over to talk with me or to take me out into the community for coffee or a movie or to go to the bookstore or whatever else I'd like to do. I think this will be a great beginning and I will be able to work on overcoming some of my anxiety about leaving my apartment. I'm really looking forward to getting started on my new journey towards a more fulfilling life.
Now that my meds are working fairly well, my moods have been more stable, I've been sleeping better most nights, and my anxiety when at home is fairly low. It's time to take the next step and work on improving my life in any way that I can. I can't just sit around my apartment all the time getting bored without risking falling backwards into depression. Bipolar cannot be "conquered" or "fixed" but it can be managed and I believe that I can have more in my life than I have right now.
I know that I might have setbacks and I hope that I can push through them and continue on. Sometimes we take a few steps back but that doesn't mean we should stop trying to move forward.
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Tomorrow
Well, tomorrow I have an appointment with a lady from the mental health program I applied for (CCS)...I hope I get accepted, although at the same time I get nervous about asking for help. For some reason it makes me feel weak to ask for help like this. I don't mind taking meds for my illnesses because I know I have a chemical imbalance that only meds can change. But the other parts of the illness, the behaviors and anxieties and all make me feel like a weak person and sometimes like a failure. I really hope that they hurry up and approve me before I chicken out!
The things I hope to get from this program: some kind of therapy that can be done here at my apartment to lessen the anxieties about leaving my apartment, and then some outings into the community with a social worker to try and face my anxieties about leaving my apartment. I don't have as much anxiety if I'm with family because I know they will bring me home if I get anxious or have a panic attack, but I have a major fear of using the city bus because I obviously can't tell them I changed my mind and have them take me home! Eventually I'd like to look into joining a group that is available in the community twice a week, Tues. and Thurs. evenings from 3pm to 6pm...they do recreational outings and such. I'm really hoping I can work up to that in a few months or so because I would like to meet some other people who have similar issues.
I lost my main support person about a month ago, we were friends for 13 years (actually we are still legally married although we separated in 2003) but he turned into an asshole...that's a story I'll have to post sometime, it's a long one. So now I've filed the first set of papers for the divorce and I am trying to build a whole new support system. My family is supportive in their own way...but I can't really talk to them about the depression or anxieties without getting unsolicited advice that doesn't help me at all. Really need to have someone I can just talk to who can listen without giving advice when I don't ask for it. Sometimes I just need to talk about the feelings and get them out, you know?
Anyhow, I hope the meeting goes well tomorrow. Today is going pretty well, although it's only 2:45pm and I'm already counting the hours until bedtime...I'm bored as all hell. I shouldn't take a nap because I'm not really tired, but sometimes I just don't know what else to do!
Jenni
The things I hope to get from this program: some kind of therapy that can be done here at my apartment to lessen the anxieties about leaving my apartment, and then some outings into the community with a social worker to try and face my anxieties about leaving my apartment. I don't have as much anxiety if I'm with family because I know they will bring me home if I get anxious or have a panic attack, but I have a major fear of using the city bus because I obviously can't tell them I changed my mind and have them take me home! Eventually I'd like to look into joining a group that is available in the community twice a week, Tues. and Thurs. evenings from 3pm to 6pm...they do recreational outings and such. I'm really hoping I can work up to that in a few months or so because I would like to meet some other people who have similar issues.
I lost my main support person about a month ago, we were friends for 13 years (actually we are still legally married although we separated in 2003) but he turned into an asshole...that's a story I'll have to post sometime, it's a long one. So now I've filed the first set of papers for the divorce and I am trying to build a whole new support system. My family is supportive in their own way...but I can't really talk to them about the depression or anxieties without getting unsolicited advice that doesn't help me at all. Really need to have someone I can just talk to who can listen without giving advice when I don't ask for it. Sometimes I just need to talk about the feelings and get them out, you know?
Anyhow, I hope the meeting goes well tomorrow. Today is going pretty well, although it's only 2:45pm and I'm already counting the hours until bedtime...I'm bored as all hell. I shouldn't take a nap because I'm not really tired, but sometimes I just don't know what else to do!
Jenni
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