My ex is insane

My ex (Chuck) was supposed to come over today at 11:00am so we can work on some papers for our divorce (we need to finish the financial papers and the marriage settlement agreement, so I can't file these until he signs them). I sent him a text to set this up 6 days ago. He said it would work fine (he is out of work and spends up to 16 hours a day online with some girl from another country that he's never met in real life, so it's not like he has anything else to do).
We separated in 2003 but we were still friends until this January; he met that girl last August and she basically started telling him how to live his life (he's almost 46 and she is 25 btw). She told him that she didn't want him to be friends with me since I was his ex (although she still lives with her husband). This was one of the main reasons we stopped being friends; he started cancelling plans with me or he would show up over an hour late. That's the really short version LOL.

One of the things that has always bothered me (and triggers my anxiety and depression) is that I always had to remind him of everything. And I mean EVERYTHING!! But I am more triggered when I DO remind him and he shows up late anyhow. So I wasn't sure if I should remind him or not, but I ended up sending a text that said: Want to confirm that you are still coming over tomorrow at 11 to do papers. Please reply asap. Thanks.

So...7 hours later; no response. I text him again: It's been 7 hours; I just need to know if you're coming. He replies: yep I'll be there.

And then today:

I woke up this morning and turned on my cell and there was a message from him "we need to talk. call me." So I called him and asked what's wrong. He says "I don't think I should come over. I don't think we should see each other at all." So I said "Chuck, you have to come over because you need to sign these papers so I can file them. I don't want to see you either, but we can't get the divorce done unless you sign these papers. This is ridiculous. You're almost 46 years old and we've known each other for 13 years, you're acting like you're 12 years old if you can't f*****g come here for 10 minutes to sign these papers so we can get the divorce done" He says "Oh, and I don't want you to text me anymore and ask how the cats are. They are my cats now. Plus you never ask how I am, you only care about the cats." I said "We're not friends anymore, plus if I asked you how you are, Joss would get mad that I was asking about you. I don't see why it's a big deal if I ask how the cats are doing." He said "Well, Joss doesn't want you to text me at all." I said "It's none of her business anyway". He said "It is because she is my girlfriend" I said "Fine, Odin was my cat before I even met you, but if you can't be a grown up and send me a text and let me know the cats are okay once in awhile then I'll stop asking. Whatever." He said "Can't you just mail me the papers and I can sign them and send them back?" I said "Seriously, that is SO stupid. You don't have a job and you're not physically disabled and you have a car. There is no reason you can't be an adult and come here for 10 minutes and sign these so it can get done." He said "Fine, I'll be there at 11."

So, at 11:25 he calls me and says "Well, I'm still coming but I had something to do first. I have started seeing a therapist ON SECOND LIFE (omg) and he says I should only see you if it's necessary. And I don't want you to put Joss down anymore." I said "Signing these papers IS necessary. If you would have just come over when you said you were going to and signed the papers, that conversation about Joss would never have even happened." He said "Well, you need to let us live our lives and you live yours." I said "That's what I've been doing, I haven't contacted you at all except to ask about the cats once in awhile. But I said I wouldn't do that anymore, so you don't have to worry about it." He said "Okay, well I'll be there in a little while."

He finally showed up at 12:10. He came in and signed the papers and left. When he got out the door I said "I have really tried to be civil about this, but after this bull***t today, I don't want you to contact me or come near me unless it's absolutely necessary for the divorce." And I slammed the door.

So my mom is going to come up here sometime and take me to get copies and file the papers. They don't have to be filed for a few weeks, I just wanted to get it done, and I'm so PO'd that he agreed to come and then pulled this stunt. My peer support specialist, Pam, had called me on Monday and asked if we could start our sessions today and I had said I couldn't because I was SUPPOSED to be doing this today. If I had known he wasn't going to take me to get copies and file them and everything, I could have had an appointment with her today.

And WTH? A therapist on Second Life? What? How stupid is he? No real therapist would be sitting around doing free therapy on an online computer game when they could be making money doing therapy in real life. OMG.

I wish I didn't have to wait another month to start seeing my new therapist, but he doesn't have any appointments before then.

Dream - Dave and Chuck

I woke up about half and hour ago, it's 4:30am, I wanted to record my dream...

For some reason I had given Chuck a ride home (in the dream he lived with his mom). I was going to spend the night because it was a long drive. His mom wanted him to sleep in the guest room and wanted me to sleep in his room because I would be closer to the phone, and she was leaving early in the morning but expecting a phone call around 10:30am and asked if I would answer it for her because she knew Chuck wouldn't answer the phone. So I went in to go to bed and noticed the bed was unmade...I thought that was weird because Chuck has always been anal about keeping his bed made.

I tried to fall asleep but I wasn't tired and I was hungry, so I went to the kitchen to find something to eat. I couldn't find anything, so I went into the living room and saw Dave laying on the floor. I was so happy to see him! He was still very sick (note: after Dave died by suicide, I had a dream that he was still alive but very ill, and he had faked his own death. I've dreamt of him a few times since then, always a continuation of that one). I asked him when he moved back home and he said something about losing his apartment. This is when I realized that Dave and Chuck had the same mother (not unusual, their moms are a lot alike). I made a mental note to ask Chuck what Dave had been like growing up, because Dave never told me much about his childhood.

I knelt down and hugged Dave and gave him a kiss, and then he gave me this belt...in the dream I thought it was really cool, it was actually kind of weird. It was black leather, very large and kind of shaped like a wrestler's belt, and it had a skull in the middle and feathers and dream catchers hanging down from it. I put it on and sat down by Dave. The Dave and Chuck's sisters and brothers came in (not their siblings from real life) and I was talking to them and commenting on how tall they'd gotten since I last saw them.

Next, Dr. Proctor (my psychiatrist) walked in and I realized that he was married to Dave and Chuck's mom. He was actually nice and smiling in the dream (in real life I am trying to switch to a new doctor). Then he hears a car honking so he went outside to see who it was. It turned out to be my mom and my sister. My mom was crying, she said someone named Gary had died. I didn't know who she was talking about, and she said "you know, Gary Ho, Gary Priellip". (My mother's maiden name is Hoag, her grandmother was a Priellip) I still didn't know who she was talking about, but she said I had to come with her. So I went in to get my things, and she came in. She started picking on one of Dave and Chuck's sisters, and their mom screamed at my mom about how she didn't know how to treat kids. (I loved it) Dr. Proctor looked at me, he looked worried, like he didn't want me to leave with her. I went over to Dave to say goodbye but he was completely covered with a blanket, pretending to sleep (I don't know how I knew he was pretending) and I realized he didn't love me anymore. I turned to talk to someone, and then I woke up.

Maybe I'll try to analyze this a bit some other time, mostly I just wanted to get it written down so I wouldn't forget it...but I need to try and get some more sleep as I have to get up at 9am.

How I lost my best friend

My husband and I met in 1997, were married in 1999, and separated in 2003, but we remained best friends. Basically we decided that we still cared a lot about each other but we just could not live together for a lot of different reasons.

So until recently we were completely there for each other as friends. We talked once or twice a day and he would always be there if I was having problems with my bipolar II or anxiety disorders (among other diagnosis). It was hard when he was working full time but if I left a message for him he would always call me as soon as he got the message; he would even come over after work if I was feeling really down. He was my only friend and although I get along well enough with my family, they really don't understand the depression and anxiety and hypomania and everything so I can't really talk to them about those things. I also don't have a car so I counted a lot on C. to take me to the store for groceries or whatever, since my family lives about an hour away.

Anyhow, he lost his job last Feb due to downsizing at his company and still hasn't found a job. During the fall he started playing that online sim game Second Life and met a girl named Joss, but she lives in England and we live in the USA so she is 6 hours ahead of us time-wise. At first I was really happy for him that he met someone new. But over time, from the things he was telling me it sounded like she was playing a lot of mind games with him and he seemed to be getting hurt and upset a lot. She also didn't like him hanging out with me, even though she is still living with her husband (they are supposedly separated). So he started spending about 10 - 16 hours a day online with her, trying to do anything to make her happy. He started to not take phone calls when he was online with her, and would not call anyone back until after Joss went to bed at night. And she has insomnia, so sometimes she was up until 10pm or later our time. Basically it didn't matter how depressed I was or anything, he wouldn't get back to me until 4 - 10 hours after I left a message since she didn't like it when he talked to me if she was online. She told him if they have a relationship she should ALWAYS come first, even if his friends or family needed him.

I did try to get along with her for C.'s sake, and we corresponded by email a few times, mostly me reassuring her that I was just his friend and there was no chance we would ever get back together. Then she hacked my computer and told C. that someone she knew did it. I contacted the police and the cybercrimes unit told me that Joss had to have been the one to do it since she was the only person I had contact with. They said she installed a program on my computer when I opened one of her emails that allowed her to get into my internet history and favorites menu. C. refused to believe that she did it and continued to believe her friend did it. So I was done trying to make nice with her. I had to reformat my computer to get rid of the program she installed.

Okay, so I was getting really frustrated and all because of that, and then it got to where I had to basically make an appointment to see him. Remember, he is out of work so he is free all day long. Since I wanted him to be happy, I agreed and so we would set up a day and time for us to hang out and watch tv or whatever for a few hours. The last 3 or 4 times we were supposed to hang out he was either late because he was online with her (like 45 minutes late, not just a few minutes), or he cancelled because Joss didn't want him to come over.

I really started to wonder if he still even wanted to hang out with me anymore and I asked him about it. He started crying and said that he really wanted to be friends with me and that he didn't want to lose our friendship but Joss made him feel bad whenever he made plans with me or called me.

So on Jan. 21 we had plans to go to the movie "The Lovely Bones". He was supposed to be here to pick me up at 3:30 so we wouldn't be late. He called me at 3:35 and said he was running late because Joss didn't want him to go offline, but he was on his way, and could I just meet him outside so we wouldn't be late to the movie. So I did and tried really hard not to get annoyed or upset about it. Then, during the movie his cell phone started ringing (he forgot to turn it off I guess). After the movie I offered to buy us dinner at McDonalds so we headed there and he went to the bathroom. I waited and waited, took him almost 20 minutes. I was about to send someone in to check on him when he finally came out. I asked him if he was okay and he said he was fine, he had checked him messages and Joss had called so of course he had to call her back, even though it wasn't an emergency or anything, she just wanted to know where he was and when he would get home.

So that really ticked me off I guess. I was trying so hard to accommodate him since I did want him to be happy and I didn't want to lose our 13 year friendship. But it seemed like I was just getting hurt all the time. I was also worried about him because this girl is really controlling and like I said, she keeps playing mind games with him. My insomnia got worse and my mood swings got worse and my depression got worse and my anxiety was a LOT worse.

I felt like I could only be his friend if/when Joss was asleep or if she gave him "permission". He is 45 years old and he is letting this 25 year old tell him what he can and cannot do. He even lost his unemployment for a few weeks because he forgot to call in his claim because he is always online with her. He has almost completely stopped looking for a job. He only hangs out with his brother and sister-in-law on Sunday mornings for brunch, even though he is living with them. He stays in his room online with her all day every day.

I feel bad for him because he seems to be trapped in this alternate world and because he is starting to lose everything because of this girl that he has never even met in person. But on Jan. 29 I finally made the decision to end things with him. I don't deserve to be treated like that from someone I've been close to for 13 years. I wrote out a long letter and asked him to come over and I read it to him. I told him that I could not be friends with him any longer, it was hurting me too much and he was treating me like crap.

It's been hard since then, but now I only talk to him if we need to discuss something regarding our divorce. The first set of papers have been filed, and we will have to talk again early in April to fill out and file the next set of papers. If all goes well, I'm hoping our divorce will be final by the end of summer...it just depends on when they set the date for our final hearing.

So that's the story...if you've been reading my posts you know that I'm working on getting a new support system in place. My mom has been helpful, she comes here every week or two and takes me out to get groceries or run errands. I've reconnected with a friend that I had lost touch with and my sister's best friend and I have been talking a lot (she lives in a town that is close by). I also applied for that program, I hope I get accepted! A group that I'm in on facebook has a lot of great people and I've been able to chat with them about things as well. So I guess I'll survive :o)

The video below is the song I used to dedicate to him...hopefully someday I will find someone else who fits the bill.