Wordstew entry; 11/22/11

Challenge: Just in time for family gatherings: Give us a practical tip for successful negotiating.

To resolve an argument:

Between you and your religious grandparents: Threaten to join a cult.

With your husband: Block the sports channels when he is not looking. If this doesn’t work, withhold sex.

With your wife: Make a romantic dinner and then do the dishes.

With your child under the age of 8: Remind them that Santa is watching.

With your child age 9 – 13: Threaten to walk them to school and to their first class dressed in your bathrobe.

With your child age 14 – 16: Threaten to make them wait an extra 6 months before letting them try for their driver’s license.

With your child age 17 – 18: If it’s not illegal and they have a good chance of leaving for college soon, just let it go.

Between cats: Water gun.

Between your parents and your in-laws (if you have children): Threaten to not let them see the grandchildren. (Especially useful if you have an infant)

Between your parents and your in-laws (if you have no children): Threaten to never have children.

Between miscellaneous annoying relatives who are staying at your home for the holidays: Put the litter box in their bedroom. If this doesn’t work, plug up your toilet and tell them they might be more comfortable at a hotel. If this doesn’t work, wait until they leave and move. Do not give a forwarding address.